Dear Younger Self,
My darling, there are some things you need to know.
You think that you can’t see people with out a face full of make-up, hair done to perfection, outfit carefully chosen to show that you’re up with the trends and have the latest threads. You smile so big and want to give people the world. You see the beauty in everyone, and will sometimes overlook the way some people treat because you don’t want to cause waves and even if you did want to speak up for yourself, you wouldn’t know what to say and it feels like you don’t have voice really anyway. In fact, you most likely don’t feel your throat chakra at all – you’re so disconnected from it. (I can hear you thinking – oh no… my throat chakra.. but you’re not even really sure what that means…you will.)
You spend money and rack up credit card debt like there’s no tomorrow, and when we sit and get to the heart of this matter, we see that it is because you buy all those things so you can present the perfect image to the world. You don’t buy them because they will add value to you or your life – it is binge buying to get that satisfaction and hit that you get from wearing a new dress, expensive make-up, jewellery and leather ankle boots. And when you step out to go and meet friends or head to that party – that anxiety in your stomach is now scared because maybe you are ‘too much’, maybe you should have dressed down to fit in. It’s a constant to and fro isn’t it.
Not enough, too much, not enough, too much.
You see every time your shrink back down you feel not enough and when you take that step out and allow yourself to shine, be seen and be heard you feel too much.
What will people think? What if they don’t like you? What if they don’t accept you? What if you don’t fit in? What if you’re not good enough? What if you’re just an idiot? What if you’re too smart? What if you’re too ugly? What if you’re too pretty? What if you’re too strange? What if you’re too mainstream?
Far out, it’s tiring isn’t it. And it’s tearing you apart. It makes you feel sick to your stomach.
You push people away because they don’t fit your mould of perfection. Putting up with too much shit from so called friends and family members – being a door mat. Finding it near impossible to say no to people – this makes you unbelievably anxious and lose sleep. You must be accepted at all costs. You can barely stick to anything. Enter food binging, over eating, under eating, crazy diets, drinking, drugs.
So how do you start to feel enough?
How do you love and accept yourself unconditionally?
How do you stand in your truth and live every single day from there feeling beautiful, inspired and free?
How do you allow yourself to be seen and heard?
How do you get to the point that you live with peace of mind, body and spirit and realize that you are your most radiant when you are just being you. (Yes, even your crooked smile and things the size they are right now.)
It all starts with not giving up beautiful. You see, there is a flicker inside of your heart – you know the one. That spark that never fully goes out. Sometimes you feel it is dim and not as bright and strong as it has been, but it’s still there. And darling – it never will. This is your lifeblood, this is your anchor, this is your strength, this is your truth, this is your everything and will change everything for you.
Close your eyes for a second, feel into your heart. Feel it. Feel the warmth, the spark, it’s alive. This is your light even in the darkest of times. It is always there, this is your guide, your own light house and whenever you need you only need feel this and you will feel safe. You will feel infinite unconditional love. Settling into this place within yourself will always feel like a deep sigh of relief, like all weight has been lifted, all stress and worries removed. Peace. Bliss. Truth.
Then you go about the things that help cultivate this feeling. What things out there in the world make you feel GOOD?
Learning to stand in your truth at first feels shaky, know that this is okay. You will feel scared. You will speak with a wavering voice, your hands may tremble and your legs will feel like they may just give out on you. And sometimes you will feel as though they do. But you feel into that light, you feel into your heart and stand up again on wobbly legs.
And life loves to send little tests along the way to strengthen your resolve. This is okay too. You can choose to look at it as growth opportunity or fall into a pity party and stay in low vibing energy where you ask yourself questions like ‘why did this happen to me? Why do bad things happen to good people? ‘ and form beliefs that ‘bad things always happen to me.’ ‘Poor me’ OR you can look the difficulty straight in the eye whilst standing on shaky legs and ask yourself what can you gain? What can you learn? Where is the silver lining? Is this an opportunity to speak up for yourself? To say what’s okay and what’s not okay for you and your beautiful life.
So anchor back in to your heart and know that in every moment, you have everything you will ever need. All you need to do, all you ever need to do is BE YOU. That little flicker, that is your truth and you always have that. It’s not going to just all of sudden disappear, it will always be right there within you.
You’ve got this. You are stronger, more loving and more capable than you can ever imagine. Just show up for life as you, that’s the only thing you ever need to do and in every moment rest assured that light within you is evidence that you are and always have been enough.
All my love,
Jojo X x