Hey there, sweet potato.
I wanted to talk about something that I’ve been noticing for a while now. That is, is 27 and 28 the new midlife crisis? I really feel like it’s a valid and important question to be asking because I know for myself when I was that age my whole life turned upside down and inside out and did spirals and circles and somersaults and all kinds of crazy stuff. And I also know that for so many … actually, I would seriously say at least 95% of people that I know and work with, this time in their life is exactly the same for them. It’s a time of contemplation and disruption. Everything that was, is no longer. How you saw and felt about your life is being questioned and scrutinised. Sometimes you just feel like you’ve had life ripped right out from underneath you and you’re left feeling as though you’re standing naked in a field asking, “What the heck just happened?” Yep.
I wanted to raise this issue so if you’re going through this you can know you are not alone and if you’ve been through it then you’re really going to relate to what I have to say.
My experience was when I got to my late twenties; I started to realise that for quite a while I had been feeling really discontent with my life. Not anything major, there was nothing terribly wrong but a small seed had started to grow bigger and bigger and bigger. I wasn’t happy with my life and where I was going. On the outside my life looked perfect. I had a great job, I had a beautiful partner, we had brought our own house, and I had travelled. By all means, I should have been jumping out of my skin, over the moon, and I was exceptionally grateful for everything but there was still something that just wasn’t quite right.
That seed, that thread of restlessness started to just pull itself loose to the point where, excuse my French, but the S%#T hit the fan.
Everything that I had tried to perfect and smooth over, the mask that I’d been wearing through my 20s blew off! Everything flew up in the air and all of my crap was just basically laid right out there in front of me.
I can see now that all my fighting against myself was really me questioning, “Is this it?”
I had worked so hard in my twenties and I had so many goals and dreams and I did everything that I could to make my life look and be the particular way that I thought it should and needed to be. And nothing else was going to make me happy. I wouldn’t let it.
So there I was late twenties, questioning everything about my life and then I knew that If I didn’t make some changes this was going to be the rest of your life.
At that particular point, things in my relationship weren’t great, things with my career weren’t great, I wasn’t great so of course nothing else was.
I could see that if I didn’t do something before I knew it I’d wake up and be 40 and still just tolerating life. Just feeling okay about it. Not great, just okay.
This path that I could see was definitely not to happy town, it was a one-way road to depression-ville.
Once I started to open I could see that mirrored to me was all of the crap that I needed to deal with. What it all boiled down to for me was that I was trying so hard to pretend to be perfect so that people would like me, love me, and think that I was worthy. That I put on that perfection mask so tight that I forgot who I really was and I’d lost connection with myself. That was mirrored with everything around me. I had no meaningful connection with anything, no substance to my life, no vibrancy, no depth. I was hiding who I really was out of fear of being unloved and unworthy. And this was my own version of my midlife crisis or 20 something life crisis.
So what did I do to move myself out of this?
I got to know myself again – I started to do new things and the things that I had always wanted to do.
I shifted my focus to what I wanted out of life instead of what I didn’t,
I started practicing gratitude and appreciating the people and beauty in my life,
I dropped all of the external grabs. Nothing outside of me held the answer, no matter how good shopping, parties, or whatever it was. I stopped holding others responsible for my happiness.
I stopped blaming others. My life and where I was was a reflection of myself. Yes it can be a hard pill to swallow BUT it is also liberating because if it is all up to you then you can do something RIGHT NOW to change it!
I got to know at a deep cellular and spiritual level that I held the answers for my life and It was up to me to make myself happy and feel the way I want to feel.
And I have been walking this path ever since. And I would not change a thing.
They say that out of our worst days we find our best days and I agree. I would not be me without going through every single thing that I have been through. And neither would you.
I felt called to write this because if you’re going through something similar it can feel really daunting and confusing. You feel guilty for feeling unhappy and not knowing if your life as it is, is what you want for the rest of your life. You once thought it was but not so much anymore. I urge you to listen to that intuitive voice that’s saying to you that there’s something different for you, because there is and that’s you living as YOU.
That’s you showing up every single day as you, being you, and living your truth.
Radiating through your realness, being the real you, letting your light shine.
I want you to know firstly, you’re not alone. Secondly, listen to that call and move at your own pace, be gentle with yourself and super loving. What you need right now is mountains and mountains of love and compassion. You’re need to really gentle and start to bring in new and nourishing practices. Try to look after your health as best as you possibly can. I know it’s a very easy time to start to turn to things that are going to numb the pain such alcohol, drugs, over spending ect, but try to bring in positive habits that support you for where you want to go. It could be yoga, walking, knitting, singing, dancing, cooking, motorbike riding, extreme sports, whatever tickles your fancy and helps you right now to feel stable and help you moving through this with ease and grace instead of intense craziness and lots of rough seas, so to speak.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not ungrateful, you just need to have a really good look at everything and ask yourself some big questions. Sit with those questions so that you can answer them with complete truth. Then do what you need to do from that place with love, grace, and ease.
With love and complete unwavering belief in you,
Jojo X x